since moving to dc, i’ve been doing my fair share of job searching. i feel that i’ve grown past the age of continuing to be a slave to a cash register at a retail venue, so i’ve been looking for administrative assistant type work.

one month ago:

in an effort to find anything decent to pay the bills, i sent in my resume to a craigslist ad about test proctoring in a location about 20 minutes away for what was advertised as 12 dollars an hour. mind you, this is in no way what i wanted to be doing, but i figured it would be a quick way to make some cash.

today:

i get a phone call from an 818 phone number. being a young 20-something with credit cards, i know better than to answer a phone call from a strange area code, even if there was a chance that it could be seth rogen calling to say he’d made a mistake by marrying his girlfriend of 7 years. (just kidding, i love you pete!) after the fourth ring, i hesitantly answer the phone.

“hello?”
“rebecca! hey!”
“hi…?”
“are you still actively seeking employment?”
“um… yes ma’am?”
“great, we’re looking for someone part-time. are you interested in that or are you looking for full-time work?”
“right now, i’m looking for whatever comes my way” (mild chuckle after i said it as i’d hoped she’d respond with a “that’s what she said”… i’m clearly 13)

she spoke for a couple more minutes, and as i looked at my phone, i’d realized that we had been talking for three and a half minutes before she’d even told me who she was or referred to a specific position that i’d applied for.

“well this all sounds great, do you have a few moments for a brief interview?”
“wait, who is this? what company are you calling from?”
“psi.” (no name. no other information. just… psi.)
“…”
“…” (it was getting awkward as we both hadn’t spoken for about 30 seconds)
“oh okay. what is the position you’re calling about?”
“you applied for a test proctoring position. is that okay? is that still what you’re seeking?” (she was starting to make me quite nervous)
“um, yes ma’am, i was just trying to get some more information about the job and stuff…”

she then goes on to tell me that i’d be proctoring COSMETOLOGY EXAMS (oh, mannequin heads galore!) and that i’d be responsible for setting everything up, taking everything down, monitoring people via COMPUTER(?), digitally scanning their fingerprints, and.. oh! some “light cleaning.” i ask how much it pays and she says “9-10 dollars an hour.”

BITCH I AM NOT CLEANING YOUR EXAM ROOMS FOR NINE DOLLARS AN HOUR. I AM NOT YOUR ECONOMY-PRICED MAID, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

so an hour ago, i get an email from “jennifer rime” and figured it was some campaign email for obama… you know how it always comes from someone different. i check it out, and sure enough, she was stating how much she enjoyed our interview today and wanted me to fill out a “voluntary form” with my address and ethnicity.

the best part? it’s a “.docm” file. lady, i have a mac. i’m not opening your “macros enabled” windows bullshit.